The Healthy Brain

I know, it’s been ages since I last posted. But life threw a giant, silent roadblock my way, and for a while there, I just hit a wall. Writer’s block doesn’t even begin to cover it. Anyway, I finally decided to just jump back in. Figured I’d share some thoughts on this whirlwind of a year I’ve had. Life has been busy, new job full time and family, sports, school and the rest, my mother condition means that we have all had to step up a little more.

I have been away from the blogging space for a while I know.

Long time no chat, right? I know, it’s been ages since I last posted. But life threw a giant, silent roadblock my way, and for a while there, I just hit a wall. Writer’s block doesn’t even begin to cover it. Anyway, I finally decided to just jump back in. Figured I’d share some thoughts on this whirlwind of a year I’ve had. Life has been busy, new job full time and family, sports, school and the rest, my mother condition means that we have all had to step up a little more.

So many thoughts going through my mind and I realise that I am always trying to quieten them to escape them, to forget them. But no matter how I try they are there.  Did I work hard enough in school? Could I have gotten a better job if I’d gotten better grades? Should I have saved more money, invested earlier? Why didn’t I travel the world when I had the chance? And seriously, where did all these wrinkles come from? Botox, anyone?

Suddenly, I find myself watching movies I would’ve obsessed over in my twenties, hanging out with my (much younger) coworkers. It makes me wonder – am I stuck in some weird time warp? Or am I just clinging to the past because it seems easier than facing the present? Was that truly the “best time” of my life, or am I just scared of where I am now?. Here’s the thing: I am here, right now. My kids are getting older, needing me a little less each day.

The decade of my twenties was a simpler time when my parents were both here. I could call on them for anything. The time in my life where anything was possible, I thought I had so much time. My friends, was I wrong time is not infinite it’s TICKING it is to be cherished to be used wisely and to the fullest.

My mums disease is getting worse she is tired of the fight. She is tired of battling of not knowing, not remembering of trying to understand the world that she slowly forgets of being alone with her thoughts. This I can see I can see it so clearly. She is done with fighting against this insidious, cruel fucked up disease. She doesn’t ask me when the disease will go away anymore or when she will get better. In fact the only thing she asks is when she can sleep, her escape from the world she longer understands. Her body still fighting for her but her mind is elsewhere. I tell her stories of her childhood and she enjoys them she listens intently but she  doesn’t know they are her stories.

 I am so grateful dont get me wrong I have a wonderful life. I have more than most, opportunities available to do more. I still have my beautiful mum. But there are times and today is one when I want to be back there in that decade of what could be’s. That decade of what could have beens, not here today full of what IS right now.

So whats the point of this post? To tell you, I am back. Life is short and precious so please live it to its fullest, also enjoy the ride, not everyone gets to ride it so long.